Y'know, have lost count on exactly what challenge number this is. I mean, I could math it out, but a0 math is hard and b) I don't really care - how strange is that. Challenges like this have stopped being tasks to cross off, a tally or to-do list of miserable things I have to get through just to hit my goal. I basically realize that this is life now.
I mean, that was kind of always the point. I, from the very beginning have been fairly slow and gentle with the changes I am making. This was always meant to be a permenant change, not a "live off nothing but liquids for 6 weeks" thing. I mean, no lie, I am looking forward to when I hit the stage where I can do maintenance calories instead of deficit. . . . I was about to say that I don't think I could go back to the way I was eating before, but that is not true. I could 100%, totally easily, without trying, go back to the dance of gluttony and feasting that I lived by.
Here is the real victory - I don't WANT to any more. I mean, would I like to go eat a whole box of cookies? Sure. But I don't WANT to. It's not worth it. I won't have any cookies for tomorrow. I will feel terrible. Makes me value the cookies less. I will instead have a reasonable portion of cookies when and if I haven't had any other treats that day.
Deprivation, quitting cold turkey, would never work for me. I will never be full paleo. I will never be a health food nut. Cookies will always be my soul mate. But it's about healthy balance (and I don't mean a cookie in each hand)
So, other then existential realizations that I feel that I am actually invested into lifestyle change and not just a diet (5.5 months later) what else has been going on?
Well, here is a list of my weird, small victories, as I have noted them over the last few weeks"
- I no longer buy 4 kinds of bread on my weekly shopping trip.
- Not only do I fit in jeans (skinny jeans no less) a size and a half down from where i started, I can once again fit standard size bathtowels around me again. Also, my rings are too loose. Apparently even my fingers were fatter
- I have discovered i love sweet potatos. And I can be ok with mushrooms, as long as they are in things. And polenta! Where has polenta been my whole life?
- I have managed to keep my 1 pound loss a week momentum going. I still swing back and forth from day to day, but cumulative . . . I am still down
- I am actually kind of good at the whole food prepping thing and am actually enjoying it
- I am starting to ACTUALLY look like the person I see in the mirror ..
Let me explain that last one. Lots of people, when getting started, talk about wanting to like what they see in the mirror. I was kind of the exact opposite. I would look in the mirror, and still see how I looked long ago at my healthiest weight. But then, I would look down and see my spare tire belly, I would cringe at my double chin in photos, clothes no longer looked good on me. What I saw in the mirror, just wasn't there any more, and I needed to get to the place where I stopped lying to myself an pretending that she was. Like I said in my "big why" - I want to be the truest, most geniune version of myself, and that involved the reality check, that enough was enough, and I didn't look how I wanted to look.
At any rate, the holidays are here, and I am looking forward to them. A little indulgence makes the hard work before and after so much more worth it. I am going to be vigilant, but kind to myself. And in addition to another four weeks of attacking it with gusto, trying to become a healthier, better habit building person, I also am hoping to work on being a kinder, better person too.
I guess that is it for now, but as is tradition, the list!!
Current work out strength: push ups are slowly but surely getting better, but still need work. Honestly, my cardio is what has really been a noticeable uptick. I can run in place, jumping jack and dance part way longer then I could before
Current work out weakness: . Honestly tho - I have been avoiding planks the last few work outs. I hate them. They make me sad. Need to do better at that
Nutrition win: aforementioned sharp curbing of massive bread intake. I miss how close I was with bread, but the empty calories are just not worth it, and then the distance makes our occasional reunion so much better
Nutrition fail: I am ok at portion control, but my measurment skills are lacking. And yes, I know, I should get a food scale. I am not there yet. Getting there, but not there yet. I still think if I had to weigh every single thing that went into my mouth I would probably use that scale as batting practice - and I don't even play baseball. But I am getting there. Imprecise measurements are driving me crazy.
Current favorite inventory item: Booband. Expect a full review at some point.
Current favorite "fight" song: Anything Bhangra
Smutty literature recommendation: This one is not smutty at all actually, it's an old, kind of YA (from before YA was really a genre) Christian fiction book called "The Silver Sword" by Angela Elwell Hunt. It is historical romance, though not deeply detailed, and moderately accurate (for those of that to which that matters). It is also absurdly fluffy and full of all the romance-y tropes without the smuttyness. It is actually decently written despite the tooth-achingly sweetness and super pro-protestant reformation subliminal messaging. But I **looooooved** this book and it's subsequent sequels as a teen - Bad ass girl, orphaned and in danger, dresses as a boy to become a squire and eventually in 13th century Bohemia to defend her self and defeat the bad guys, and **spoiler** bags herself the Lord of the Estate by the end of it. Like I said - tropes abound, but the main character, Anika, had something to her. I loved her. I loved her so much, I might name a kid after her someday.
No comments:
Post a Comment